you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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