Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
