We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
