I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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