She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
