girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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