hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
