And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
