Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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