Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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