Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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