White coat. Heels.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
