Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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