He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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