i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
