I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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