Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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