nut hugger
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
