Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
