Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didn't notice because vodka
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
