A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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