I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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