can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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