I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
