I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
