Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
