Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
