He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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