A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
