he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
