I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
