I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
