I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
