In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
