you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
