She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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