i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
