I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
