There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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