You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
