You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
