Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
