i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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