So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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