every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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