yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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