Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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