Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
