you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she woke up with a sticky ear
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
