remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
