they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
