u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
