She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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