my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
