Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
They have beer where we have blood.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
