He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
