Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
