i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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