I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
